I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
