Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
