mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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