No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
