i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Please don't give away my fajitas
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
