put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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