btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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