I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
