Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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