I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
