Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
