absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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