he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
