Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
