Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So vagazzling was a success
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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