so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Boobs are out for the taking
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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