some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the day after is always just damage control
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
