Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
