how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
