all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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