dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
