I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
