He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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