Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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