If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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