I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
