Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
