All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
