C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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