I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
