I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
