weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
