Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
40s are totally the cure
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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