I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
