I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
