The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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