My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
