So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
