If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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