What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
