Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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