This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
