Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
