my mouth tastes like poor choices
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
