DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
