im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
