I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
