ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
