just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
