she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
