nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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