Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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