then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They took my balls.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
